I know, I know, it’s December 1. As I’ve said in the past, does it count I took this photo earlier this week when it was still November? Every part of me wanted to squeeze a shower in, put on makeup, look…well, presentable for this month’s self-portrait. Yes, I had plenty of days in November where that version of myself would have been a true representation of my day (including the incredible afternoon I had last Monday, coming out of my maternity leave to work this event for Ball State. To be backstage with Oprah? Are you freaking kidding me? As a long-time fan, I was in heaven. HEAVEN.).

But back to the point here: I’m not showing you THAT version of myself. I’m showing you the version I’ll most remember from this time in my life with my newborn son. A bleary-eyed first-time mom in her pajamas (which, this top and these pants from Target? Speaking of heaven…) who will do just about anything to get her boy to sleep. And this particular November will forever make me think of the countless hours I spent walking around the house with Dean in his Beco carrier, or, as seen here, bouncing on an exercise ball to get him to drift off to dreamland.

Adjusting to my new title as mother hit me full force in November. When Dean was born in October, there was a brief span of his first two weeks where my confidence foolishly got the best of me as I watched him sleep and eat all day. “I can do this…this isn’t so bad,” I’d think as I patted myself on the back after a successful feeding before taking some time to shower, return emails, do the things I wanted or needed to do.

That naivety flew out the window as November arrived, the month I fully began to understand the demands of being a mom. How it is that, some days, a new mother just doesn’t get that time to herself to shower, the dishes pile up in the sink and, come to think of it, “Did she even eat anything today?”

Don’t get me wrong—this isn’t a post to complain about parenthood. Far from it since becoming a parent is something I hope everyone who wants to gets to experience in their lifetime. I look at Dean and think, “You, little man, are the best thing I’ve ever done.” Being a mom puts so much of life in perspective, that’s for sure. But it’s damn hard work too. And that’s what I wanted to show you here.

So those bags under my eyes? The mussed-up hair? The lack of make-up? It’s a look I earned over these past 30 days. Some day soon life will balance out again and lipstick and concealer will be welcomed back into my daily routine. Today, though….today is another day to forgo the mascara, stay in those comfy PJs and cuddle and comfort my son all over again.