Here’s the thing about this month’s self-portrait: I thought long and hard about how I wanted to capture my May. A month that, in a lot of ways, has just been “meh”. After a while, I decided I could focus on my return to my photography business after an extended maternity leave (and what felt like the longest winter ever) away from it. Ah ha! That’s it! I told myself. Buttttttt….. then I forgot to have someone take a picture of me at my first wedding of the season. And I’m always sweaty and gross after engagement sessions so that wasn’t going to happen either.
[ Enter procrastination ..... ]
Now it’s suddenly today—May 31—and I’m home on my quick lunch break from my day job. It’s raining out (so no curls today—Gail’s curls + rain=Monica Gellar hair***), I’m feeling ouchie (I’ve been weaning Dean and, well, let’s just say that’s not the most pleasant of experiences), and the last thing I really want to do is step in front of the camera. But I do. And this is the resulting image that comes with 15 minutes of set-up, shutter pressing, downloading and uploading. Just me at my desk with my camera, computer opened to my latest editing session. It’s a forced smile, but believe me when I say I truly AM happy to be making portraits for people again. Creatively, it’s one of the great loves of my life.
Maybe it’s appropriate that May’s self-portrait ended up this way. After all, it’s been a month where I’ve gotten pretty real about some stuff here on the blog. I feel like being just as real with all of you about this self-portrait project of mine: Sometimes I loathe it. Sometimes I curse the fact I ever started it. Sometimes I feel like it’s one giant nod to narcissism. And yet, I keep at it still. Because even accounting for the months where I feel like I’m dialing it in (ahemmm..May 2013…ahem), I know the long-term reward of documenting my life this way—12 photos a year, year after year after year —will be more than worth it. Imagine the gift this will be for my children some day. For my children’s children, no? So I’ll keep plugging along and, if you’re one of the fellow photographers who’ve joined me in this pursuit over the years, I’ll wish you the same. I’d like to say I’m taking notes for future self-portraits from this kid, but pffftttt….who am I kidding? I could never be THAT creative!
***Any blog post that invokes a Friends reference isn’t all a wash, right? RIGHT.